When You're the One in Crisis

Last week I shared what I had learned about helping others in “crisis mode.” (You can read that post here.) So many of you commented on what people did for you, or you wish they had done while you were going through a difficult time. I was so encouraged by your feedback and was also given some ideas as well. Thank you!

But today I want to talk about the flip side.  What if you aren’t on the helping end?  What if you are the one in "Crisis Mode?" All of us, at one time or another are going to go through trials that are insanely difficult. If you are a child of God, He uses them to grow us and stretch us. His goal is to make us look more like Him.

Does that make it any easier humanly speaking? No. It doesn’t. But how we respond will make all the difference. Our response in the midst of a difficult situation will dictate whether the situation will make us bitter or better.

At one point in my life I asked the big question that we hear so often...“Why me?”

It was after Lydia was diagnosed with complex heart defects and her future was very uncertain. I hate to think about it but for a while I was angry with the Lord.

I just couldn’t understand “What I did to deserve this.” I mean, here I had just graduated from Bible college, my husband still had two years to go, and all we wanted to do was serve the Lord with our lives. We were faithful to church, walking with the Lord, living right….none of this made sense. Why would God do this to someone like us??

For a little while I viewed it almost as a punishment of some sort. Or like God was a giant mad scientist in the sky and I was His lab rat. He was just trying to see how much I could take. And it just wasn’t fair.

Did you ever swim in a lake, river or the ocean? If so, I’m sure you were taught about currents, right? How that if you get caught in one, you should never try to swim against it? If you do, you’ll end up utterly exhausted and perhaps drown. It won’t do you any good. But that’s our first reaction, fight it for survival.

And sadly, isn't that what we do with God? We feel the current….things are not going as we planned. His plan isn't taking us where we want to be. Instead it’s actually carrying us away from what we thought was best for us. And so we fight. We struggle. We wrestle. We don’t want to submit to what’s happening to us. We read in the Bible that God’s in control and hear it preached from the pulpit….but how in the world could this be best for us?

Writhing in distrust, we question.  And far too often we end up bitter.  

During this time when I was fighting and struggling with bitterness, a sweet woman in our church who also had had a child with birth defects sent me a letter with encouragement to memorize Psalm 139. I’m forever thankful for this sister in Christ and how she helped me!

So I started reading and memorizing. I “knew” God had made my daughter, I had been taught those truths my whole life. But as I read and re-read and memorized, those words finally penetrated my soul and God’s Word began to change me.

Lydia's defects weren't just a "fluke" as the doctors kept saying. She was his beautiful creation and He had made her unique for a purpose!

But could I accept that this was His plan for us? That this was plan A and His very best for my life?

I learned something that helped me and will help you. Very simple yet also profound: When God’s plan is different from yours, you just have to accept it.

Will you ever understand the why?? Probably not. The Bible says His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. In fact it says they are “higher.” He sees the big picture and we don’t. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Our life is like a canvas and God is the master painter. He knows what to put where in order to make it beautiful. He keeps working on us until we, like an artist's masterpiece, look how He, the master, had known we could look all along.

Whatever the trial or problem, you must accept it as God’s best for your life. Now does life become hard sometimes because of our own dumb choices and we are just facing the consequences? Definitely. But even in that, when you face consequences, you still need to accept it as God’s best for you. He’s a loving Father that doesn’t want you to continue to make bad choices and mess up your life! If you don’t accept it, you’ll become bitter.

And you don’t want to become bitter, friend. Sadly, as a pastor’s wife I’ve seen it way too much. Bitterness takes sweet people and turns them into the crankiest person you could imagine. Their every comment is like acid rain falling on those around them, burning and scarring. The Bible says that many are “defiled” by bitterness. (Heb. 12:15) It destroys them from the inside out and yet they don’t see it. That little root of bitterness is like a parasitic plant that feeds on them, destroying them little by little.

Through the hardship God changed me. Big time. And soon I realized what an incredible blessing it was that I was chosen to be Lydia’s mom. My loathing “why me?” turned into a “why me?” of thanksgiving.

“Why Lord did you choose to bless me with this child? Why did I get to be her mother? Of all the people in this world, why did You trust me enough to care for her?”

There’s a song on one of our Patch the Pirate CD’s that has these words….

Bitter to better, just one little letter, makes the change in every trial. Trusting my Savior will change my behavior as I grow to be like Him...

And it’s so true, isn’t it? 

But this thing of trust.  Wow...it can be hard!  But the Bible commands us to "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all they ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct they path."  (Proverbs 3:5-6)  

Trusting the Lord in everything will change your attitude.  When you trust that God knows best for you, you can accept whatever circumstances He sends your way.

I don’t know what you’re going through today, friend. But as I’ve looked around and seen so many hurting lately, I feel with them, because I too have hurt so many times before. My heart breaks for their pain, but at the same time I am comforted knowing that God is working in them for their good and His glory.

So when you’re the one in “crisis mode”, what should you do? 

First, stop asking “Why?”, and instead ask “What?”….“What are you trying to teach me, Lord? What do I need to change in my life?”

 You must submit to the trial, accept it as God’s best for your life, and let the Lord make you better instead of getting bitter. 

When you do, I know you’ll be able to look back, see the blessings, and rejoice in what God did in your life!

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